Drunk guy with car, yelling to friend: Dude, I have two choices... either park my car here and get towed, or get a DUI. What should I do?!

- Hamlin st., morning of NU-Michigan football game

overheard by: Hannah

Drunk guy: Dude, that bird's totally gonna fry when it steps on that third rail!
Sober guy: Bet you five bucks it won't.
Drunk guy: You're so on.
(Bird steps on rail, nothing happens.)
Sober guy: I. Am. A. Wizard.

-- Davis El Platform

overheard by: Rusty

...and this is the battle of waterloo

History Buff, on Tyrell Sutton: Dude, he's freaking shorter than Napoleon!

-- Ryan Field, at the Duke football game

overheard by: John

DiversifyNU Performer: Everyone knows girls suck at math.
Freshman Girl: That's not true! I'm a girl, and I got a 5 on my AP Calculus exam!

-- Essential NU Diversity Seminar, Louis Room

overheard by: D-Mac

Girl: ...And speaking of orgies, it's like a one in four chance of a good time.

-- Outside Philly's Best

overheard by: Alex

Sorority Girl 1, after working out: I'm going to be so skinny tomorrow.
Sorority Girl 2: Not if you eat that bagel, fat ass.

-- Sorority Quad

overheard by: VM

Girl, after 4:30 am fire alarm: If this is burned popcorn, someone has an enemy.

-- Outside Allison Hall

overheard by: megan c.

Drunk Freshman Boy: So here's the deal: you're really sexually attracted to me.
Drunk Freshman Girl: ...Wait, really?
Drunk Freshman Boy: Yes.

-- Alison Hall

overheard by: Rusty

Girl: Aw what the hell, who got Keystone?
Guy: Shut the fuck up and enjoy the free beer.

overheard by: Eric

Sorority Girl: I enjoy the finer things in life, like Franzia... and Chili's.

-- Bobb Hall

overheard by: brad