Girl 1: Have you ever thought about how you spell diet? It's d-i-e
with a t at the end.
Girl 2: It's like death by crucifixion.

-- McCulloch porch

overheard by: Eric

Dude 1: Hey, what's my body mass index?
Dude 2: FAT.

-- McCormick Tribune Center

overheard by: lauren

Guy 1: You smell like shit.

Guy 2: That's because I farted.

Guy 1: Oh shit.

-- Sheridan road, by the tennis courts

overheard by: random student passing by

Girl: Damn, I could really take a light brown shit.

-- Allison hall lobby

overheard by: palindrome

Guy 1, after entering private study room: Sorry, this room is reserved for a tutoring session, so we need you to leave.
Guy 2: Sure. Could you just leave for a second while I get changed?

-- East tower, University Library

overheard by: Kyle

Frat guy, to group of three girls: So, I'm going to go get a drink... can I buy one of you a drink? Just one of you though, I'm not rolling in it.

overheard by: anonymous

Drag Girl #1: How do I look?
Drag Girl #2: Like a 70's PIMP.
Drag Girl #3, to Drag Girl #2: How do WE look?
Drag Girl #2: We just look like hoes.

-- outside Clarke's

overheard by: NC & JL