Sorority girl 1: Oh my god, I think they went out back to smoke.

Sorority girl 2: Wait, you can't get an STD from that.. right? 

-- Simpson st

overheard by: rk

Sorority girl 1, talking about job interviews: I just don't want to lie.

Sorority girl 2: Well, lying is different than telling the truth.

1835 Hinman Card Scanner, in response to a picture of "The Rabbit" in North by Northwestern: Is that what I think it is?!

Girl 1: Have you ever thought about how you spell diet? It's d-i-e
with a t at the end.
Girl 2: It's like death by crucifixion.

-- McCulloch porch

overheard by: Eric

Dude 1: Hey, what's my body mass index?
Dude 2: FAT.

-- McCormick Tribune Center

overheard by: lauren

Guy 1: You smell like shit.

Guy 2: That's because I farted.

Guy 1: Oh shit.

-- Sheridan road, by the tennis courts

overheard by: random student passing by

Girl: Damn, I could really take a light brown shit.

-- Allison hall lobby

overheard by: palindrome

Guy 1, after entering private study room: Sorry, this room is reserved for a tutoring session, so we need you to leave.
Guy 2: Sure. Could you just leave for a second while I get changed?

-- East tower, University Library

overheard by: Kyle

Frat guy, to group of three girls: So, I'm going to go get a drink... can I buy one of you a drink? Just one of you though, I'm not rolling in it.

overheard by: anonymous

Drag Girl #1: How do I look?
Drag Girl #2: Like a 70's PIMP.
Drag Girl #3, to Drag Girl #2: How do WE look?
Drag Girl #2: We just look like hoes.

-- outside Clarke's

overheard by: NC & JL

Girl: Why am I buying you a drink? You called me a slut!

-- Afterparty, Koi

overheard by: YH

Drunk girl: I have never in my life seen so many ugly white guys in togas before.

-- Sheridan and Noyes

overheard by: M&W

Girl: Jessica! Your dress is so short I can see your clitoris!

-- On the stairs, in a frat house

overheard by: Lana

Guy 1: If we don’t get any tickets I’m going to a shank a bitch.
(pause)
Guy 2: Fair.
----In line for Flight of the Conchords tickets
Overheard by: someone else who didn’t get tickets

Dude: Do you want to do heroin tonight?
Girl: Sure.

-- walking towards Sargent

overheard by: girls who were verrrry cold outside

Freshman #1: I could really use a time machine.
Freshman #2: What for?
Freshman #1: Time travel, dumbass.

-- Hinman Commons

overheard by: rusty

Sober Girl: Wow, you are really drunk... how much did you drink?
Drunk Girl: I don't drink, but you know who does? WHO? WHO? WHAT? WHAT? YOUUUUU (points at her reflection in a mirror)

-- Bobb Hall

overheard by: sarah

Dude: My ass hurts so much. I really hope I fell last night.

-- Maple and Hamlin sts.

overheard by: erin j.

Frat guy: ...aaand I just came my pants.

-- Leaving a keg, Frat row

overheard by: hazel w

Sorority Girl #1: Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be ugly?
Sorority Girl #2: Yeah, but most people at least... You know, like, if they have a bad face, at least they have good hair.
Sorority Girl #1: But what if you had a bad face AND bad hair?!
[SILENCE].

-- University Library

overheard by: lauren v.

Cook, during Friday dinner: When I get home, I'm going to drink every beer in the house!

-- Foster-Walker West

overheard by: greg

Drunk Girl: Just fucking let me lay down for a second, Jill!

-- Sheridan and Dartmouth, in the snow.

overheard by: Freshman

Drunk Guy: So... What are your names?

Girl 1: I'm partially deaf.

Girl 2: I'm blind in one eye.

Girl 3: I have really terrible gag reflex.

(Drunk guy walks away.)

-- NU Bar Night at Moda

overheard by: partygoer

Guy: Hey, do you want to make out?
Girl: ...you're on speakerphone.

-- Clark st.

overheard by: the roommate

Girl, to female friend: I hope that I get syphilis so that I can give it to you.

-- Norris

overheard by: NK

Hateful undergrad: The only thing that comes out of girls' mouths these days is vomit and sororities.

-- 1835 Hinman dining hall

overheard by: ML

Girl: OMG, I did not pref [sorority X]. I would have so much sex I would break myself.

-- Sorority quads, after one night of recruitment

overheard by: erin

Tech kid, video chatting at 1 AM: By the way, officially the whitest word in the English language: Shenanigans.

-- Media Works, University Library

overheard by: cw