Girl 1: I love fat guys. I'm serious. I totally love fat guys.

Guy 1: Okay, why?

Girl 2: She likes the cushion.

overheard by: ryan e.

U-Haul Worker: Okay, what size do you want? 10 or 14 ft?
Girl: Ummm, well... how big is the 10 ft one?

-- U-Haul Center, Dempster st.

overheard by eric l.

Girl: Could you please stop smoking?
Smoker: You're all sluts.

-- Bus, Senior Formal

overheard by: bus rider

Guy: I'll take a shit on your chest and you try to tell me it's not sexual.

-- Caps game

overheard by: mike w.

Girl 1: Did you get any dessert?
Girl 2: Are you kidding? I don't do dessert.
Girl 1: Please, I haven't been full in my entire life.

--Women's bathroom, Senior Formal (Soldier Field)

overheard by: dessert eater who is full

Techie: This is my third drink in my life!

-- Senior Bar Night, The Cubby Bear

overheard by: Ramona

Grad student: I'm going to get kicked out of this school if I don't stop acting like a Latin American.

-- Kellogg

overheard by: Margie

Girl 1: Do you think the actress who plays the deaf girl on Weeds is actually deaf? She looks deaf.
Girl 2: You're retarded.
Girl 1: That's not very P.C.

-- Party, Ridge and Davis

overheard by: jessica l.

Girl 1: I'm just really nervous to drive this summer, cause I don't know how.
Girl 2: You mean you don't know how to drive stick shift?
Girl 1: No, like I've never driven before. [long pause] Wait, they don't still make stick shift cars do they?

-- Sorority Kitchen

overheard by: max p.

Girl 1: Do you prefer Pellegrino or Perrier?
Girl 2: Lauren*! The poor drink Perrier.

-- Norris

overheard by: gemma

Drunk girl, crawling on hands and knees at 2am: Don't judge me! I got a 1500 on my SATs!

-- The Arch

overheard by: ruth

Girl: I'm so hungry, I could eat carbs.

-- Tapas Barcelona

overheard by: concerned carbohydrate consumer

Guy: When I get married, I'm going to take my wife to Cape Disappointment for our honeymoon.

-- Bobb hall

Professor: You all think you're unique, but that's a crock.

-- Tech LR4

Girl, whispering: Guys, I think I put my thong on sideways today.

-- 5N, University Library (Finals week)

Guy: I just really needed to decompose after my last final.

-- Info commons, University Library (Tuesday of finals)

Girl 1: I'm kind of hungry.
Girl 2: Yeah, me too. I could definitely go for something to snack on... like a cocktail.

-- On the Red Line

Stressed undergrad: Yeah, I have to write a 25 page paper on my experiences with racial ideology.
Girl: Oh my god, I would just write a list of every time I talked to a black person... but I would never be able to get 25 pages.

-- Foster st.

Girl 1: Did you hear about Joe*? I heard he got a tapeworm in Africa!
Girl 2: Yeah, I heard he lost like 30 pounds.
Girl 3: I wish I had a tapeworm.

-- Norris

Girl: I might as well die. Maybe my professor will just accept my corpse as a final assignment.

-- Info Commons, University Library (Finals week)

Drunk slurring girl: Your friend told me he wants to kiss me where I pee.

-- 1800 club

overheard by: shan

Girl, referring to a Canadian dime: Um, is that an Indian money? Oh well, same thing... I don't listen to hip-hop.

-- Elder Dining Hall

Drunk girl: Let's just walk to the Chicken Shack. It's only 2 blacks away!

-- Ridge and Simpson

Girl 1: Wait, so why are you so into this guy?
Girl 2: Well... he was nice to me once.

3rd floor, Norris

Guy on cell: Yeah, and then he was at the house and ended up sleeping with the mom... and the dad.

-- Lakefill

overheard by: jamie

Girl: One time I thought my pants were too tight, but really I just had diarrhea.

-- Sargent dining hall

Sorority girl: Yeah, there is no bread at the house, so I had to make my sandwich on a bun.... A BUN. (closes and blinks eyes slowly).

-- Francis Searle Building

overheard by: sarah

Nerdy guy to group of grad students: Well, dude... it's kind of like a deathstar... but more like an intergalactic space carrier.

-- University Library, Info Commons