overheard at northwestern

2008-10-28T20:54:00.001-07:00

Sorority girl 1: Oh my god, I think they went out back to smoke.

Sorority girl 2: Wait, you can't get an STD from that.. right?

-- Simpson st

overheard by: rk

2008-10-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

Sorority girl 1, talking about job interviews: I just don't want to lie.

Sorority girl 2: Well, lying is different than telling the truth.

2008-06-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

1835 Hinman Card Scanner, in response to a picture of "The Rabbit" in North by Northwestern: Is that what I think it is?!

2008-04-17T10:25:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: Have you ever thought about how you spell diet? It's d-i-e
with a t at the end.
Girl 2: It's like death by crucifixion.

-- McCulloch porch

overheard by: Eric

2008-04-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

Dude 1: Hey, what's my body mass index?
Dude 2: FAT.

-- McCormick Tribune Center

overheard by: lauren

2008-04-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

Guy 1: You smell like shit.

Guy 2: That's because I farted.

Guy 1: Oh shit.

-- Sheridan road, by the tennis courts

overheard by: random student passing by

2008-03-31T18:42:00.000-07:00

Girl: Damn, I could really take a light brown shit.

-- Allison hall lobby

overheard by: palindrome

2008-03-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

Guy 1, after entering private study room: Sorry, this room is reserved for a tutoring session, so we need you to leave.
Guy 2: Sure. Could you just leave for a second while I get changed?

-- East tower, University Library

overheard by: Kyle

2008-03-20T12:06:00.000-07:00

Frat guy, to group of three girls: So, I'm going to go get a drink... can I buy one of you a drink? Just one of you though, I'm not rolling in it.

overheard by: anonymous

2008-03-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

Drag Girl #1: How do I look?
Drag Girl #2: Like a 70's PIMP.
Drag Girl #3, to Drag Girl #2: How do WE look?
Drag Girl #2: We just look like hoes.

-- outside Clarke's

overheard by: NC & JL

2008-03-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

Girl: Why am I buying you a drink? You called me a slut!

-- Afterparty, Koi

overheard by: YH

2008-03-06T19:26:00.000-08:00

Drunk girl: I have never in my life seen so many ugly white guys in togas before.

-- Sheridan and Noyes

overheard by: M&W

2008-03-05T12:56:00.000-08:00

Girl: Jessica! Your dress is so short I can see your clitoris!

-- On the stairs, in a frat house

overheard by: Lana

2008-02-26T03:47:00.000-08:00

Guy 1: If we don’t get any tickets I’m going to a shank a bitch.
(pause)
Guy 2: Fair.
----In line for Flight of the Conchords tickets
Overheard by: someone else who didn’t get tickets

2008-02-15T10:46:00.000-08:00

Dude: Do you want to do heroin tonight?
Girl: Sure.

-- walking towards Sargent

overheard by: girls who were verrrry cold outside

2008-02-14T10:45:00.000-08:00

Freshman #1: I could really use a time machine.
Freshman #2: What for?
Freshman #1: Time travel, dumbass.

-- Hinman Commons

overheard by: rusty

2008-02-13T22:14:00.000-08:00

Sober Girl: Wow, you are really drunk... how much did you drink?
Drunk Girl: I don't drink, but you know who does? WHO? WHO? WHAT? WHAT? YOUUUUU (points at her reflection in a mirror)

-- Bobb Hall

overheard by: sarah

2008-02-05T21:21:00.000-08:00

Dude: My ass hurts so much. I really hope I fell last night.

-- Maple and Hamlin sts.

overheard by: erin j.

2008-02-04T21:17:00.000-08:00

Frat guy: ...aaand I just came my pants.

-- Leaving a keg, Frat row

overheard by: hazel w

2008-02-03T21:24:00.000-08:00

Sorority Girl #1: Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be ugly?
Sorority Girl #2: Yeah, but most people at least... You know, like, if they have a bad face, at least they have good hair.
Sorority Girl #1: But what if you had a bad face AND bad hair?!
[SILENCE].

-- University Library

overheard by: lauren v.

2008-01-30T15:05:00.000-08:00

Cook, during Friday dinner: When I get home, I'm going to drink every beer in the house!

-- Foster-Walker West

overheard by: greg

2008-01-27T09:37:00.000-08:00

Drunk Girl: Just fucking let me lay down for a second, Jill!

-- Sheridan and Dartmouth, in the snow.

overheard by: Freshman

2008-01-24T23:37:00.000-08:00

Drunk Guy: So... What are your names?

Girl 1: I'm partially deaf.

Girl 2: I'm blind in one eye.

Girl 3: I have really terrible gag reflex.

(Drunk guy walks away.)

-- NU Bar Night at Moda

overheard by: partygoer

2008-01-23T13:24:00.000-08:00

Guy: Hey, do you want to make out?
Girl: ...you're on speakerphone.

-- Clark st.

overheard by: the roommate

2008-01-19T10:57:00.000-08:00

Girl, to female friend: I hope that I get syphilis so that I can give it to you.

-- Norris

overheard by: NK

2008-01-18T00:02:00.000-08:00

Hateful undergrad: The only thing that comes out of girls' mouths these days is vomit and sororities.

-- 1835 Hinman dining hall

overheard by: ML

2008-01-17T20:49:00.000-08:00

Girl: OMG, I did not pref [sorority X]. I would have so much sex I would break myself.

-- Sorority quads, after one night of recruitment

overheard by: erin

2008-01-11T16:52:00.000-08:00

Tech kid, video chatting at 1 AM: By the way, officially the whitest word in the English language: Shenanigans.

-- Media Works, University Library

overheard by: cw

2007-12-15T11:53:00.000-08:00

Sorority girl, yelling: Umm and fuck don't even rhyme!

-- University Place

2007-12-13T15:36:00.000-08:00

Guy: ...maybe I won't teach my kids beer pong.

overheard by: J

2007-12-11T15:07:00.000-08:00

Girl: And I was like, I just put my hand down your pants! And you want to go to sleep?!

-- line for Starbucks, Norris

overheard by: T.

2007-12-09T10:28:00.000-08:00

Sorority Girl 1: I can't believe he cheated on me with his ex. I am never going to forgive him.
Sorority Girl 2: But you cheated on him like 3 times. With different guys.
Sorority Girl 1: ....yeah. I guess we're even.

-- In class, Harris 107

overheard by: lauren v.

2007-11-28T15:16:00.000-08:00

TA to near-tears freshman girl: ...but if you get a B I'm not going to find you, like, swinging in your bedroom, right?

-- outside Harris Hall

overheard by: anonymous

2007-11-24T21:06:00.000-08:00

Dude: I don't like social drinking unless sexual rewards are involved.

-- Core, University Library

overheard by: E.

2007-11-11T20:25:00.000-08:00

Girl: She is so beautiful. She must live off diet coke and coke.

-- Sheridan road

overheard by: brendon.

2007-11-04T19:17:00.000-08:00

Drunk girl: If I had an eskimo, would you make sure it didn't fart on my face?

-- Sheridan road

overheard by: jeffrey m.

2007-10-31T22:31:00.000-07:00

Dude dressed as Samuel Adams, to his girlfriend: Alright, YOU drink a fifth of jack and then tell me what you want to do ... other than hit your wife.

-- Oak and Church

overheard by: chris w

2007-10-30T20:30:00.000-07:00

Freshman Guy: Dude, I'm definitely rushing lodge, sig ep, or hundo.

overheard by: Alex

2007-10-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

Drunk guy: What if my shoe were Alanis Morissette right now?

-- Allison Hall lobby

overheard by: Kathryn D.

2007-10-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

Two freshmen not-so-subtly hooking up on the side of a wall:

Girl: You can touch me there.

-- Maple and Garnett

overheard by: Alex

2007-09-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

Drunk guy with car, yelling to friend: Dude, I have two choices... either park my car here and get towed, or get a DUI. What should I do?!

- Hamlin st., morning of NU-Michigan football game

overheard by: Hannah

2007-09-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

Drunk guy: Dude, that bird's totally gonna fry when it steps on that third rail!
Sober guy: Bet you five bucks it won't.
Drunk guy: You're so on.
(Bird steps on rail, nothing happens.)
Sober guy: I. Am. A. Wizard.

-- Davis El Platform

overheard by: Rusty

...and this is the battle of waterloo

2007-09-26T18:30:00.000-07:00

History Buff, on Tyrell Sutton: Dude, he's freaking shorter than Napoleon!

-- Ryan Field, at the Duke football game

overheard by: John

2007-09-24T15:59:00.000-07:00

DiversifyNU Performer: Everyone knows girls suck at math.
Freshman Girl: That's not true! I'm a girl, and I got a 5 on my AP Calculus exam!

-- Essential NU Diversity Seminar, Louis Room

overheard by: D-Mac

2007-09-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

Girl: ...And speaking of orgies, it's like a one in four chance of a good time.

-- Outside Philly's Best

overheard by: Alex

2007-09-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

Sorority Girl 1, after working out: I'm going to be so skinny tomorrow.
Sorority Girl 2: Not if you eat that bagel, fat ass.

-- Sorority Quad

overheard by: VM

2007-09-22T20:53:00.000-07:00

Girl, after 4:30 am fire alarm: If this is burned popcorn, someone has an enemy.

-- Outside Allison Hall

overheard by: megan c.

2007-09-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

Drunk Freshman Boy: So here's the deal: you're really sexually attracted to me.
Drunk Freshman Girl: ...Wait, really?
Drunk Freshman Boy: Yes.

-- Alison Hall

overheard by: Rusty

2007-09-17T19:24:00.000-07:00

Girl: Aw what the hell, who got Keystone?
Guy: Shut the fuck up and enjoy the free beer.

overheard by: Eric

2007-09-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

Sorority Girl: I enjoy the finer things in life, like Franzia... and Chili's.

-- Bobb Hall

overheard by: brad

2007-07-31T08:01:00.000-07:00

Girl: It's okay, someone told me that this phone works better if you throw it on the ground.

-- Tech express

overheard by: Allie

2007-07-08T19:53:00.000-07:00

Freshman Guy, on Cell: Meet me at xxx Hamlin St... Remember that place I got really drunk and made out with a fat chick? Yeah, meet me there.

-- Hamlin St.

overheard by: og

2007-07-05T19:59:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: We have so many black squirrels at this school.
Girl 2: Yeah... they are the slaves to the normal ones.

-- Library Quad

overheard by: meredith t.

2007-07-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

Girl: I want to live like a Colombian coke lord.

-- Foster and Orrington

overheard by: chris a.

2007-07-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

Girl on cell: Yeah, I think I still have vomit in my hair from last night... [pause] ... Yeah, of course I'm going out!

-- CVS

overheard by: k

2007-06-28T09:32:00.001-07:00

Girl 1: I love fat guys. I'm serious. I totally love fat guys.

Guy 1: Okay, why?

Girl 2: She likes the cushion.

overheard by: ryan e.

2007-06-24T21:18:00.000-07:00

U-Haul Worker: Okay, what size do you want? 10 or 14 ft?
Girl: Ummm, well... how big is the 10 ft one?

-- U-Haul Center, Dempster st.

overheard by eric l.

2007-06-23T21:56:00.000-07:00

Girl: Could you please stop smoking?
Smoker: You're all sluts.

-- Bus, Senior Formal

overheard by: bus rider

2007-06-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

Guy: I'll take a shit on your chest and you try to tell me it's not sexual.

-- Caps game

overheard by: mike w.

2007-06-20T09:41:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: Did you get any dessert?
Girl 2: Are you kidding? I don't do dessert.
Girl 1: Please, I haven't been full in my entire life.

--Women's bathroom, Senior Formal (Soldier Field)

overheard by: dessert eater who is full

2007-06-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

Techie: This is my third drink in my life!

-- Senior Bar Night, The Cubby Bear

overheard by: Ramona

2007-06-13T09:52:00.000-07:00

Grad student: I'm going to get kicked out of this school if I don't stop acting like a Latin American.

-- Kellogg

overheard by: Margie

2007-06-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: Do you think the actress who plays the deaf girl on Weeds is actually deaf? She looks deaf.
Girl 2: You're retarded.
Girl 1: That's not very P.C.

-- Party, Ridge and Davis

overheard by: jessica l.

2007-06-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: I'm just really nervous to drive this summer, cause I don't know how.
Girl 2: You mean you don't know how to drive stick shift?
Girl 1: No, like I've never driven before. [long pause] Wait, they don't still make stick shift cars do they?

-- Sorority Kitchen

overheard by: max p.

2007-06-08T13:50:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: Do you prefer Pellegrino or Perrier?
Girl 2: Lauren*! The poor drink Perrier.

-- Norris

overheard by: gemma

2007-06-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

Drunk girl, crawling on hands and knees at 2am: Don't judge me! I got a 1500 on my SATs!

-- The Arch

overheard by: ruth

2007-06-07T13:59:00.001-07:00

Girl: I'm so hungry, I could eat carbs.

-- Tapas Barcelona

overheard by: concerned carbohydrate consumer

2007-06-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

Guy: When I get married, I'm going to take my wife to Cape Disappointment for our honeymoon.

-- Bobb hall

2007-06-07T02:08:00.001-07:00

Professor: You all think you're unique, but that's a crock.

-- Tech LR4

2007-06-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

Girl, whispering: Guys, I think I put my thong on sideways today.

-- 5N, University Library (Finals week)

2007-06-06T02:03:00.000-07:00

Guy: I just really needed to decompose after my last final.

-- Info commons, University Library (Tuesday of finals)

2007-06-05T21:45:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: I'm kind of hungry.
Girl 2: Yeah, me too. I could definitely go for something to snack on... like a cocktail.

-- On the Red Line

2007-06-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

Stressed undergrad: Yeah, I have to write a 25 page paper on my experiences with racial ideology.
Girl: Oh my god, I would just write a list of every time I talked to a black person... but I would never be able to get 25 pages.

-- Foster st.

2007-06-04T14:55:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: Did you hear about Joe*? I heard he got a tapeworm in Africa!
Girl 2: Yeah, I heard he lost like 30 pounds.
Girl 3: I wish I had a tapeworm.

-- Norris

2007-06-04T11:56:00.001-07:00

Girl: I might as well die. Maybe my professor will just accept my corpse as a final assignment.

-- Info Commons, University Library (Finals week)

2007-06-04T01:58:00.000-07:00

Drunk slurring girl: Your friend told me he wants to kiss me where I pee.

-- 1800 club

overheard by: shan

2007-06-03T23:04:00.000-07:00

Girl, referring to a Canadian dime: Um, is that an Indian money? Oh well, same thing... I don't listen to hip-hop.

-- Elder Dining Hall

2007-06-03T21:38:00.000-07:00

Drunk girl: Let's just walk to the Chicken Shack. It's only 2 blacks away!

-- Ridge and Simpson

2007-06-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: Wait, so why are you so into this guy?
Girl 2: Well... he was nice to me once.

3rd floor, Norris

2007-06-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

Guy on cell: Yeah, and then he was at the house and ended up sleeping with the mom... and the dad.

-- Lakefill

overheard by: jamie

2007-06-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

Girl: One time I thought my pants were too tight, but really I just had diarrhea.

-- Sargent dining hall

2007-06-02T15:37:00.000-07:00

Sorority girl: Yeah, there is no bread at the house, so I had to make my sandwich on a bun.... A BUN. (closes and blinks eyes slowly).

-- Francis Searle Building

overheard by: sarah

2007-06-02T14:59:00.001-07:00

Nerdy guy to group of grad students: Well, dude... it's kind of like a deathstar... but more like an intergalactic space carrier.

-- University Library, Info Commons