Guy 1: If we don’t get any tickets I’m going to a shank a bitch.
(pause)
Guy 2: Fair.
----In line for Flight of the Conchords tickets
Overheard by: someone else who didn’t get tickets

Dude: Do you want to do heroin tonight?
Girl: Sure.

-- walking towards Sargent

overheard by: girls who were verrrry cold outside

Freshman #1: I could really use a time machine.
Freshman #2: What for?
Freshman #1: Time travel, dumbass.

-- Hinman Commons

overheard by: rusty

Sober Girl: Wow, you are really drunk... how much did you drink?
Drunk Girl: I don't drink, but you know who does? WHO? WHO? WHAT? WHAT? YOUUUUU (points at her reflection in a mirror)

-- Bobb Hall

overheard by: sarah

Dude: My ass hurts so much. I really hope I fell last night.

-- Maple and Hamlin sts.

overheard by: erin j.

Frat guy: ...aaand I just came my pants.

-- Leaving a keg, Frat row

overheard by: hazel w

Sorority Girl #1: Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be ugly?
Sorority Girl #2: Yeah, but most people at least... You know, like, if they have a bad face, at least they have good hair.
Sorority Girl #1: But what if you had a bad face AND bad hair?!
[SILENCE].

-- University Library

overheard by: lauren v.